The Teacher-Parent Relationship

When you dreamt of becoming a teacher, you perhaps never imagined struggling with difficult parents.  One of the greatest challenges for a teacher is meeting the parents. Getting to know your students’ families and representing your school can be a nerve-racking experience and it’s something teachers get little training in. Being a teacher is not only about teaching; schools actively engage parents and dealing with them is also a part of the journey. The most important thing one can do is to recognize working with parents as an opportunity.

Studies show parental involvement is critical to a child’s academic success. Parents should always feel welcome to contact you with questions and concerns. When there are parent-teacher conflicts, the factors most frequently at work are (a) control issues, and/or (b) differences in values, and/or (c) different perceptions of the student. And the three are often closely related.

As a teacher, it is important to spend a lot of time carefully informing concerned parents about what your teaching approach is, and what kind of classroom environment you establish. And whenever a parent contacts you with some concern or criticism, it is essential that you try not to be defensive. It is inevitable that there will be value differences, but still there is often frustration when someone doesn't share our values. Both teachers and parents need to remind themselves that differences in values can be bridged only by respect for each other's values and the willingness to compromise.

Teachers contact parents only when there is some misconduct by the child or low grades. Quite often it is a negative situation that makes both parents and teachers meet. So when the parent receives a phone call or an email asking them to meet the principal/teacher, they are also filled with defensive attitude trying to reason whatever the complaint maybe. Why not try the reverse strategy for a while. Try sending them little notes or an email appreciating their child’s improved grades or behaviour. Meet them occasionally in order to communicate the positive achievements of their child in class or school. This cultivates a feeling of mutual trust and understanding between both parents and teachers.

While it’s your responsibility to make sure your students are learning in school, it’s the parents’ responsibility to make sure their children are doing their homework, studying for tests, and working on long-term assignments at home. If a parent asks you to excuse their child from a test or assignment, they’re sending the wrong message to their child: your class or school is not a priority. It’s wise to maintain a strict policy about homework and tests. Explain that the policy exists to ensure that your students’ progress in your class. Tell the parent that it’s important for their child to adhere to your homework and test schedule if they are to succeed.

While over-involved parents can be exasperating, uninvolved parents can also be problematic. What if parents are not responding to your calls or e-mails, what do you do? In your e-mail or messages, tell the parent that you understand they’re busy and you’ll try to accommodate their schedule. Offer to discuss the issue in a brief phone conversation if they don’t have the time to attend a conference. Remain positive. Tell the parent you’re confident their child can overcome the issue if you work together to provide support.

And when you have agreed to meet a parent, make sure you follow the ‘Sandwich Technique’. Good first, another round of good at the end and place the bad news in the middle. Sandwich the bad with 2 good ones.

Start on a positive note: "Rahul is doing really well in ______." Year after year, for 12 or 24 conferences, maybe all they've heard has been bad news. So try something different and let them understand that you are here to help your child be successful.

Don't suggest your solution first: If the teacher lays out a plan, there's a good chance the parent will come back with an argument. Instead, ask the parents to explain what's been done in the past and whether it worked.

Use 'active' listening: "I hear you saying ______. Is that correct?" this is a very effective technique, which lets the parent know you're sincerely listening. It also makes sure you understand. If you begin by agreeing or acknowledging what they are saying, they will calm down.

Agree on something common: Pick two or three practical steps each of you can take. Perhaps you and the parents can use email to communicate about schoolwork. You will post the assignments, and the parents will check the site to see what's due and sign off on each completed task. You'll follow up with them when something isn't handed in.

Written by Fathima Khaja